Osculating an octogriff’s pedipalps. Bucket list, check!
However, its butyraceous secretions mimicked pheromones of its prime predator, a hermaphroditic mantoid. After ingesting the octogriff (and my chelipeds), the mantoid mounted me. Its mandibles nibbled my neck, stimulating my coiled embolus, which I thrust in its bursa. We copulated violently until my apical sclerite broke off – ensuring I’d be its sole mate!
It spun me, its claspers roughly gripping my uropods, and penetrated my cloaca with spined hemipenes, depositing millions of fertilized eggs in my abdomen.
Now parasitoid embryos gnaw my swollen insides for breakfast.
Practice safe mating. Cloak your embolus.