Posts Tagged ‘machete’

WoodShed by SideStreetStudio on DeviantArt.com

Josh’s hand slid under Bethany’s t-shirt, popping open her bra.

She giggled. “You sure we’re good here?”

“Sure, babe. It’s our private love shack.” He pulled her close, kissing her.

She unzipped him, slid her hand in. “You like that?”

He nodded, moaning.

She shoved her tongue deep into his mouth.

He shuddered, his body stiffening.

Already? she thought.

She tasted copper, pulled back. His mouth sprayed her face with blood.

She looked down. A machete tip pulled back inside his ruined belly.

She screamed.

“Ah, young love,” cooed the beast outside, shoving the machete back through the shed slats.

Machete by liorcifer666 on DevinatArt.com

“The job’s high pressure,” said Mason. “Immense competition. You gotta constantly reinvent yourself.”

“Explain,” said Doctor Slotter, polishing his brass nameplate.

“In the eighties, machetes were standard issue.” Mason pulled a machete from his backpack. “Wield this baby, you were respected, feared.” He swished it dramatically, then dropped it. “Nowadays, victims expect variety. Corkscrews, hatracks, zippers.”

Mason swung his backpack. It’s zipper sliced Slotter’s jugular. Blood spurted. Gurgling, Slotter collapsed.

“Even worse,” Mason bent for his machete, “is the reincarnation factor.”

Mason rose. Doctor Slotter stood before him, nameplate raised.

Shoulda seen that coming, thought Mason, as his skull split.

Machine of Death II by CFKane on DeviantArt.com

Is your cabin in the woods tangled in vines and victims? Clean them out quickly with Dread’s Supply, your one-stop shop for gardening and murder implements.

How do we sell so low? We literally cut out the middleman.

There’s no escaping our landscaping tools. Slash through shrubs and cheerleaders. Hew through trunks and torsos. Clear paths for scared camp counselors to careen. But don’t cut that tripping root! Blondes love them.

Bloody blades sharpened and cleaned. Extra-large disposal bags for gathering tree and teen limbs.

We also have altars, relics, and desecrated gravestones. Dread’s Supply puts the “cult” in cultivation.